Wrongfully Accused as an Addict

When you think of the word addict, what comes to mind? Perhaps like me you envision an inner city individual who is homeless on the streets of Vancouver. This person uses drugs regularly, cannot be without, and will do anything and spend every last penny on their next fix. Their family and friends are but a sad memory, left behind because they chose that drug over their supports. Their life revolves around that drug. Perhaps that scenario is on the extreme side of the spectrum but you understand my point. Addiction hurts, destroys, and kills.

I have been off work due to depression and anxiety since December 2011. It has been a heart breaking struggle filled with many bumps and bruises I experience daily. In the beginning my symptoms were unrelenting and debilitating, consisting of anxiety, restlessness, agitation, irritability, continual pacing, panic attacks, outbursts, emotional dysregulation, and drastic changes in mood. I was prescribed a plethora of medications including Ativan and Valium. When none of that seemed to resolve my symptoms I reverted to marijuana use. It became a crutch to help cope with the symptoms. 

Eventually I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 and started on Lithium which began to give me the stability I needed. Following this discovery I weaned myself off of the Valium and decreased my Ativan consumption to a strictly situational use which averages out to 4 Tablets a month. 

When I should have been receiving a pat on the back for my success I received instead a label of an "addict." At this point I had drastically decreased my cannabis consumption and was making progress in all areas of life. Suddenly I was being bombarded with something that felt completely foreign and out of place. A month after this diagnosis I quit using marijuana on my own with no if ands or butts and without a single word of remorse. The diagnosing psychiatrist stated that I lacked insight into this situation and that I would be unable to abstain without help or treatment. 

Twenty days after I've proved them wrong but I am still unable to escape that label. When faced with health care providers who have read the report stating that I am an addict I am amazed at how small my voice becomes. My ability to advocate for myself has deteriorated before my eyes and everything I say is interpreted as an addict saying whatever I can to get out of the situation. My own GP threw my trust out the window by dismissing what I was saying and accepting only the report stating I'm an addict. She told me to "learn to accept the truth and stop being in denial." I feel trapped in this unforgiving label that does not fit me. I have always been an open and very honest individual and now my cries of truth are being dismissed. I will not threaten my integrity by admitting something that is not true. I feel as though I have been wrongfully accused.